Thursday, July 3, 2008

What God is Telling me Today on the Feast of St. Thomas

He is addressing me directly: "Do not be unbelieving any more but believe."

It is a direct command to stop a behavior (unbelieving) and do something different (believe). Several days ago I was telling the Lord that I don't have what it takes to live the radical life he has called me to. "Look at my life Lord," I said, "I am overwhelmed. I feel paralyzed by what I have to do and can't do. I am plagued by doubts and indecisions. I can't even make my mind about how I want to educate my children! and you are asking me to live a radical live, a live of dedication and single mindedness? I am wishy-washy. I can't commit with all my heart to the work you have asked me to do. I am always questioning. I am so AFRAID. Yes, with capital letters. I don't even have the mind to know what I am afraid of. I CAN'T!"

But today, as He did with St. Thomas, He looks at me in the eye and tells me: "Do not be unbelieving any more but believe". He tells me to believe that what the did for St. Thomas, He can do for me. St. Thomas was transformed. I can also be transformed. St. Thomas was flooded with the gift of divine faith but, I believe that there was a moment, when he looked at Jesus' face, that he had to make a decision to accept the gift or not. In a split second, he had to make the decision to believe. And it is this decision Jesus is asking me to make today. He is asking me to stop the struggle and surrunder.

And he tells me more. In today's reading He is trying to build my confidence "You are built upon the foundations of the apostles and prophets, and Christ Jesus himself is the cornerstone." And He tells me even more:" Every structure knit together in him grows into a holy temple in the Lord, and you too , in him, are being built into a dwelling place of God in the Spirit."

St. Thomas, pray for me!