Lessons for the New Year or What St. Paul is Teaching Me

It seems that naturally, this time of the year, my gaze turns inwards as I reflect over the last year and make plans for the next. The problem with me is that my gaze falls first on the things I didn't do:

• the resolutions I didn't keep (I was going to be organized!)
• the exercise plan(s) that were abandoned (The 30 days shred that never got to 30 days)
• the health habits that never lasted more than a few weeks (kefir, chia seeds anyone?)
• the books that weren't read ( I was going to read more Spanish this year, right?)
• the relationships that weren't built (where are those dates with M?)
• the intellectual goals that weren't achieved (Oh Chesterton! this year we will meet!)
• the housekeeping plans that were simply forgotten (Motivated Moms? Flylady?)

Reading St Paul's letter to the Philippians the other night, it occurred to me that I am seeing it all wrong. St Paul tells the Philippians that even death is gain to him because it will be the ultimate way of being close to Jesus (paraphrasing here, in case you were wondering how come you don't recognize St. Paul's words). Death as a gain! I am so not there! But, if you can turn around death, the ultimate fear, around and see it as gain, then maybe everything depends on perspective.

Christians definitely look at the world differently.

The thing is that even goals not achieved, and resolutions not kept can be good things, if a lesson was learned, if I use it as a stepping stone. Furthermore, it is not the goals that are important or the resolutions,

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the Gospel of Christ...that you stand firm in one spirit,with one mind striving side by side for the Faith of the Gospel, and not be frightened in anything by your opponents... for it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ, you should not only believe in him, but suffer for his sake. (Phil. 1:27-28a, 29)

 I don't like to suffer, I don't like when life is hard. I consider a good year the one with more occasions for joy than for sorrow. But, is it always true? I tend to want to run from painful situations, to avoid pain at all costs, to fast-forward through difficult moments to get to the good ones. Again, it is a matter of perspective. Isn't the life of a Christian to live in Christ, as Christ? Isn't it true that the moments when I am closer to God are the difficult ones, the ones that hurt, the ones where every fiber of my being wants to scream: STOP, let me off!? Isn't in those difficult moments I run to the One that can help? I don't know if I can say that, whatever happens to me that can be labeled as suffering, is for the sake of Christ but, if I can see the hard moments as a stepping stone to something better, as tool for growth, then I have a powerful weapon against my greatest enemy: fear!

Fear can't have a hold of me if I stand firm on the believe that all situations: good or bad, sad or joyful, can lead me closer to God and the life he intends for me.

St. Paul also makes another point-maybe more relevant to new year's beginnings:

"I press on... forgetting  what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead"

As I read this, I thought of St. Paul's life. He had persecuted Christians. Who knows what harm he caused them! He could've lived his life with a paralyzing grief, full of remorse and regrets; but, he trusted in the redemption he had received, the forgiveness that was his, and pressed on, his eyes fixed on the goal and not on the mistakes.  Another lesson from St. Paul: dwelling on what we didn't accomplish or what we didn't do or in what we did wrong is not good. Of course, we take stock. How can we press on if we don't look at where we are coming from? But there are different ways of looking back: I can look back just as an exercise to help me figure out where am I going or, I can look back and dwell on the negative. The latter is worthless!

St.Paul continues,

"I press on toward the goal... let those of us who are mature be thus minded, and if anything you are otherwise minded, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true what we have attained." (Phil 3)

It is, then, a sign of maturity to let go of regrets, remorse, errors. And hold on to what we have attained. Again, a matter of perspective: in looking back, focus on what have been gained. There is always something we have attained, even if only experience.

And then St. Paul offers a perspective that I want to embrace for this coming year:

"Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about that"

This year I want to look at life this way, focusing on what is honorable, lovely, just, true. Not in a pollyanish way but, in a conscious way: choosing to see the lovely not the ugly, the true not the lie, the excellent not the mediocre, and especially that which deserves praise rather than what deserves criticism.

As if this wasn't enough, this reading of St. Paul's letter to the Philippians, gave me another guideline for this year: to learn to be content.

"I have learned, in whatever state I am to be content. I know how to be abased and I know how to abound; in any and all circumstances, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and want. I can do all things in him who strengthens me."

 In summary, St. Paul is teaching me to:

• focus on the manner I live my life
• be not afraid!
• look at the past just as a guideline, not dwelling on what I haven't accomplish
• press on, strain forward
• think of what is good, honorable...
• praise don't criticize
• learn to be content

St Paul, pray for me!

Almost Jealous

Last night we ate dinner around the computer listening to Sarah Palin's acceptance speech. We missed it the night before. It was an odd sight. We crowded around our Imac eating black bean quesadillas and listening to her. I have never payed much attention to politics. Heck!I can't even vote.But there is something in her that kept our attention. Even the kids sat there listening. I don't know what caught their attention. It could've been that she is a woman. It could've been that she is pretty. Maybe it was how natural and unaffected her delivery was. Maybe all of these but I think what really made them pay attention, I suspect, is their father's enthusiastic response.

Never,never ever, have I seen Mark being so excited about a politician. He is completely taken by her. I won't attempt here to go into why he likes her but let me say something, by the end of the speech, I was almost jealous!

Unschooling Experiment

Every single time I read a post on unschooling my heart ticks faster. I so want to try this. I so want to see my kids own their own learning life. I want them to follow their passions and discover new ones. I want them to learn how to think for themselves. I want them to think out of the box.

The thing is that I don't think I can do it. I don't know how to go about it. We are at a perfect place to try an experiment. We just finished our first year with Classical Conversations
It has been a great year. Now we have about a month before the "official" school year is over. We got a lot done this year. Now I feel I could try my hand at something more relaxed. I would like to pursue some art, some gardening, some nature walks. Or I could try letting my kids, especially A., to be the one leading the way. Honestly, I don't know how to do that. I don't fill comfortable just letting him be. I think that for us "flexibility within structure" would work better. Tons of ideas flow through my mind:

• I could re-implement some of Bravewriter ideas. We used to do teatime and read poetry and freewrites. The kids loved them.
  
• I could do make sure we read poetry every day. One poem a day. I have several Spring poetry books on hold at the library. I could combine those with the teatime.
  
• I could do some art. I have discovered some interesting blogs on art lately here and here. They both look interesting, and they seem to have lots of resources for me to explore. I am creating a list of projects for the summer.
• I could try our hands at some architecture, one of A.' passions. They have some cool links to explore.
• I could do more science. We discovered this videos from Youtube. We can explore these more and see where it would take us.
• I could let him work on a project from the Dangerous Book for Boys.
  

I guess I can present this list to A. and let him choose. I could also take him to the library and let the pick some books. The thing that makes me hesitate is this: I want to have something to show for our efforts. I would like to have a lapbook or a narration or something that would say loud and clear:"You have accomplished something!"

This brings me to a complete new thought: Why do I feel as if I have to have something to show or as if the accomplishment has to be measurable? Whose accomplishment should it be mine or my children's? Do I need to prove myself to someone? Why I feel so scared to try this?