Habit #2: Maintain Key Friendships-from The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers by Dr. Meg Meeker.

Happy mothers know their value and happy mothers maintain key friendships. They know that loneliness is an enemy to be fought. They know they need other women and they don't apologize for it.

At a certain level we all know that friendships are important but, as Dr. Meeker says,

"The truth is, when something needs to be cut out in the crunch of daily demands, friends are the first to go. Sometimes friendship seems expendable, unnecessary. "

Some of us might think that our needs are being met by our family and husbands,

"this is extremely important, but they don't fully satisfy our relational needs because the others in the relationship are too dissimilar from us. Husbands can't be everything to us and certainly children can't be."

I am sure my dh is grateful that I have a group of women I meet regularly with! It is not that I keep him out of parts of my life. Far from it. It is that there are things proper to being a woman that he can't relate to. And I shouldn't expect him to. It goes without saying that my relationship to him is primary but he is not expected to be my all in all. I think he is relieved.

Loneliness can be a great enemy. It is in loneliness that our problems magnify: our thoughts get darker,our sorrows get deeper, our sadness consumes us, our joys go unshared and unseen. Loneliness is crushing. It is in loneliness when we start asking, "What is wrong with me?"

" A mother who feels lonely believes on some level that she is unlikable, even unlovable."

Dr Meek reminds us that "friends are a necessity, not a luxury." I truly believe this. We are not meant to be alone. I am not meant to be alone. I read once in book about social development for children that kids don't need tons of friends. Just one friend can carry a child through the developmental years. Just one friend can make a difference between a normal childhood and miserable one. I think the same is true of us.

*For more discussion on The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers see Elizabeth Foss' blog . She is the one that got me interested in reading the book and she is doing a great job at discussing it every Thursday.*

It WAS Hard to see her go

I thought it wouldn't be hard this time. I did it last May. I did it all. All of it, the crying, the sadness, the emptiness. The things left behind spoke of her absence. Loud. It was hard then but,I knew she will be back at the end of July. Now I don't know when the house will be filled with her joy, her presence.

It was hard to see her go.

It doesn't matter how much I tell myself:

-you will text (btw, I retract everything I said about texting)

-you will Skype (oh the blessedness of technology!)

-she will visit for holidays (would her work schedule permit her?)

-all mothers go through this (well, I am not all mothers)

-your mother went through that (yeah, but I was 25, not 18)

-it is the American way (well, I am not American)

It doesn't matter, it was still hard to see her go.

Part of me felt as it was not going to happen. When she got back, she fell right into our routine. She filled her space and our lives like always. It felt as if she had not gone at all. Maybe I dreamt it? My whole Dominican self hoped, maybe it is a dream.

But it wasn't a dream... This morning it was time to go. My whole Dominican self cried (inside) not yet! it is too soon! she is too young! this is not supposed to happen until you get married! But it did. This morning. In her new car.

With her dad.

It doesn't matter how much I tell myself

- she is with people we love and trust.

- she is doing what she feels/discerned the Lord is calling her too.

Both these things are a great comfort but, it was still hard to see her go.

All our parenting career points to this moment. This is what we have prepared her for. Her quiver is full, or is it? We did our part, or did we? Nagging thoughts fill my mind: did we prepare her well?

Here again is a lesson in trust.Trust that we did our best, that we did it adequately, that we taught her the skills to supply what we did not teach; and most of all, that the Lord will supply what we might have lacked.

It was hard to see her go but, she was ready. She has been a caterpillar for a while and now she is ready to be a butterfly: beautiful, graceful, and free. She takes with her part of us, part of me.

Now, I look at my two boys left at home and I hug them a little tighter, look into their eyes a little more frequently, pay attention a little closer, savor the moments more earnestly. Some time, sooner that my mother's heart is ready for, it would be time to see them go. And it will be hard.

Any Homeschooling books lying around?

Need to make room for more books?

Have some homeschooling books you can't sell?

Like to read but don't want to spend a lot of money buying books?

Consider swapping your books at Paperback Swap!

I had a bunch of books that I had try to sell on some homeschooling loops or boards with no luck. I decided, instead of donated them to a bazaar or Goodwill, to swap theml. At least I get some other books out of the deal! Today I mailed 20 books. Most of them were homeschooling book but there were some fiction books too. I get one credit for every book mailed. I can then use those credits to request other books.

If you decide to do this here is a tip:

Don't do like a I did a post too many at a time! I have spent the whole morning wrapping books to mail.

Acting as if I love God

In Mere Christianity C.S. Lewis says, " Do not waste time bothering wether you 'love' your neighbor, act as if you do." As soon as I read this line it reminded me of my relationship with God.

Do I love God? Does He love me? those questions have come to me time and time again. To reason God's love for me is not difficult. I can see it in creation. I can see it in the sacrifice of his Son. I can see it in the many details that form my daily life. But, do I love him? Do I return his love? I think my problem is, as Lewis puts it, I "cannot find such a feeling" in myself. I do not have strong feelings of love of God.

C.S Lewis says the answer is to "act as if you did." And I think,without thinking about it, that is what I have done. My choices, my preferences and priorities speak of love. It is not that I have always made perfect choices, or that my priorities are always in order, or that I always prefer that which is good. No, far from it. But, I try. And that counts. And God knows that I try. And that counts too.

Today, C.S Lewis reminds me that,

Christian love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will. If we are trying to do His will we are obeying the commandment, 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.' He will give us feeling of love if He pleases. We cannot create them for ourselves, and we must not demand them as a right.But the great thing to remember is that, though my feelings come and go, His love for us does not.

St John Vianney, whose feast day we celebrate today, has a good advice, " your hearts are small, but prayer stretches them and makes them capable of loving God."

I intend to follow it.