¿Cómo se Aprende a Amar? Amando

Hoy te pregunté:" ¿Cómo se aprende a amar?"

"Amando" - me dijiste.

Simple. Aprendemos en la acción.

No es la primera vez que tú y yo tenemos esta conversación. Yo diría que la tenemos varias veces al año: cada vez que me siento inadecuada, o cada vez que miro hacia adentro y no me gusta lo que veo, cada vez que me enfrento a mis inseguridades, mis motivaciones imperfectas; cada vez que descubro que el centro de mi vida soy yo y nadie más.

Y no es la primera vez que siento tu voz en lo profundo de mis ser: "Se aprende a amar, amando"

La vida es escuela de amor. No los libros. No las ideas.

Pero todos vivimos y no todos aprendemos a amar. ¿Por qué?

-Porque no vivimos la vida conectados a la Fuente de Amor.
-Porque aunque todos queremos ser amados, amar-y amar bien- parece ir en contra de nuestro instinto.
-Porque tenemos miedo de no ser amados en la misma medida que amamos.
-Porque en el mismo centro de nuestras vidas está nuestro ego- desmesurado, grande- que no  deja lugar para otros.

Lo que no nos damos cuenta es que amor genera amor.
Lo que no me doy cuenta es que el amor genera amor.

Notes on Dominum et Vivificantem (Part 5 and Final)

• Jesus is not with us as a visible human being, but he is present and active in the Church. This is possible through the H.S.
• The "most complete sacramental expression of the departure of Christ through the mystery of the Cross and Resurrection is the Eucharist." It is through the Eucharist that the H.S. accomplishes that strengthening of the inner man (Eph 3:16). 
• This giving of life promised by Jesus is accomplished through the Eucharist because the Spirit constantly draws from the wealth of Christ's redemption..
• "The Church is the visible dispenser of the sacred signs (sacraments), while the H.S. is the invisible dispenser of the life they signify. Through the sacraments the Church accomplishes her salfivic mission to man.

The breadth of the divine life, the Holy Spirit, in its simplest and most common manner, expresses itself and makes itself felt in prayer.

'...if prayer is offered throughout the world, in the past, in the present and in the future, equally widespread is the presence and action of the Holy Spirit, who "breathes" prayer in the heart of man in all the endless range of the most varied situations and conditions... Many times, through the influence of the Spirit, prayer rises from the human heart in spite of prohibitions and persecutions and even official proclamations regarding the non-religious or even atheistic character of public life."

 "The Holy Spirit is the gift that comes into man's heart together with prayer. In prayer he manifests himself first of all and above all as the gift that "helps us in our weakness." 

The Holy Spirit enables us to pray but also guides our prayers from within. "Prayer through the power of the Holy Spirit becomes the ever more mature expression of the new man, who by means of this prayer participates in the divine life."

This following passage is encouraging for a member of a charismatic community

[In] recent years have been seeing a growth in the number of people who, in ever more widespread movements and groups, are giving first place to prayer and seeking in prayer a renewal of their spiritual life. This is a significant and comforting sign, for from this experience there is coming a real contribution to the revival of prayer among the faithful, who have been helped to gain a clearer idea of the Holy Spirit as he who inspires in hearts a profound yearning for holiness. In many individuals and many communities there is a growing awareness that, even with all the rapid progress of technological and scientific civilization, and despite the real conquests and goals attained, man is threatened, humanity is threatened. In the face of this danger, and indeed already experiencing the frightful reality of man's spiritual decadence, individuals and whole communities, guided as it were by an inner sense of faith, are seeking the strength to raise man up again, to save him from himself, from his own errors and mistakes that often make harmful his very conquests. And thus they are discovering prayer, in which the "Spirit who helps us in our weakness"manifests himself. In this way the times in which we are living are bringing the Holy Spirit closer to the many who are returning to prayer."

I wonder if the Pope was thinking of the Charismatic Renewal and charismatic communities when he wrote this.

• The Pentecost that occurred in the Upper Room is not an event of the past, In a real sense, the Church is always in the Upper Room praying, together with Mary awaiting the coming of the H.S.

  For the Spirit is given to the Church in order that through his power the whole community of the People of God, however widely scattered and diverse, may persevere in hope: that hope in which "we have been saved."²⁸⁸ It is the eschatological hope, the hope of definitive fulfillment in God, the hope of the eternal Kingdom, that is brought about by participation in the life of the Trinity. The Holy Spirit, given to the Apostles as the Counselor, is the guardian and animator of this hope in the heart of the Church.

Notes on Dominum et Vivificantem (Part 4)

The Holy Spirit gives strength to the inner man

• The Church gives forever witness to the resurrection. In the resurrection the H.S.  revealed itself as the giver of life. The church witness and help the H.S in this life giving mission.
• The life of man in God is possible through the H.S

Under the influence of the Holy Spirit this inner, "spiritual," man matures and grows strong. Thanks to the divine self- communication, the human spirit which "knows the secrets of man" meets the "Spirit who searches everything, even the depths of God."²⁵² In this Spirit, who is the eternal gift, the Triune God opens himself to man, to the human spirit. The hidden breath of the divine Spirit enables the human spirit to open in its turn before the saving and sanctifying self-opening of God. Through the gift of grace, which comes from the Holy Spirit, man enters a "new life," is brought into the supernatural reality of the divine life itself and becomes a "dwelling-place of the Holy Spirit," a living temple of God.²⁵³ For through the Holy Spirit, the Father and the Son come to him and take up their abode with him.²⁵⁴ In the communion of grace with the Trinity, man's "living area" is broadened and raised up to the supernatural level of divine life. Man lives in God and by God: he lives "according to the Spirit," and "sets his mind on the things of the Spirit."

• This intimate relationship with God in the Spirit helps man to see himself in a new life, to fully realize what it means to be in the image and likeness of God. From Jesus Christ we learn this truth, but it is through the action of the Spirit in our lives that we put it into practice.
• It is in this way that God transforms the world from within, from inside minds and hearts. 

The Holy Spirit-says the great Basil- "while simple in essence and manifold in his virtues...extends himself without undergoing any diminishing, is present in each subject capable of receiving him as if he were the only one, and gives grace which is sufficient for all."

• 2Cor 3:17 "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" The H.S alone can ehlp us to free ourselves from the old and new things that determine our behavior (determinisms) because it guides to the knowledge of the "law of the Spirit" which in turn gives us life in Christ. Through life in Christ man discovers the "full measure of man's true freedom".

Also in the ordinary conditions of society, Christians, as witnesses to man's authentic dignity, by their obedience to the Holy Spirit contribute to the manifold "renewal of the face of the earth," working together with their brothers and sisters in order to achieve and put to good use everything that is good, noble and beautiful in the modern progress of civilization, culture, science, technology and the other areas of thought and human activity.²⁶⁴ They do this as disciples of Christ who-as the Council writes-"appointed Lord by his Resurrection...is now at work in the hearts of men through the power of his Spirit. He arouses not only a desire for the age to come but by that very fact, he animates, purifies and strengthens those noble longings too by which the human family strives to make its life more humane and to render the earth submissive to this goal."²⁶⁵ Thus they affirm still more strongly the greatness of man, made in the image and likeness of God, a greatness shown by the mystery of the Incarnation of the Son of God, who "in the fullness of time," by the power of the Holy Spirit, entered into history and manifested himself as true man, he who was begotten before every creature, "through whom are all things and through whom we exist"²⁶⁶

Notes on Dominum et Vivifacantem (part 3)

Why is the sin against the Holy Spirit unforgivable?

• This blasphemy is not necessarily offending the H.S in words but rather," the refusal to accept the salvation which God offers to man through the H.S, working through the power of the cross."
• "The blasphemy against the H.S. consists... in the radical refusal to accept forgiveness, of which he is the intimate giver and which presupposes the genuine conversion which he brings about in the conscience."
• This blasphemy is not forgiven because "this non-forgiveness is linked ... to non repentance, ... to the radical refusal to be converted.... It is the the sin committed by the person who claims the right to persist in evil... and who rejects Redemption."
• "In our time this attitude of mind and heart is perhaps reflected in the loss of the sense of sin" which at the same time is " a loss of the sense of God." 
• The H.S, who leads the human conscience to know the truth about sin, also leads it to know the truth about the righteousness of Jesus Christ.
• This last point is related to the idea of justification. This portion of the Catechism shed some light on it Justification

The greatest accomplishment of the H.S is the conception and birth of Jesus Christ. It is he who makes the hypostatic union (the union of the divine and human nature in Jesus Christ) possible. At the moment of Jesus' conception the communication of God with man, through the H.S. reaches its climax.

This encyclical was written when the Church was preparing to celebrate the Jubilee of the year 2000. The pope says in relation to this preparation 

The Church cannot prepare for the Jubilee in any other way than in the Holy Spirit. What was accomplished by the power of the Holy Spirit "in the fullness of time" can only through the Spirit's power now emerge from the memory of the Church.

All is accomplished through and by the power of the Spirit. He makes it possible for us:

• to be adopted sons/ daughters
• to have a new life as part of the family of God
• to partake of the divine nature, our life becomes "permeated" with a divine, supernatural dimension.
• to have access to the Father in the H.S.

Unfortunately this possibility of sharing in the divine life is met with opposition "in our human reality". 

To a certain degree this opposition comes from the contrasting natures of God and the world. Whether God is invisible, absolute spirit, perfect; man is, by nature, visible, material, and imperfect. This difference in nature doesn't necessarily means conflict, but sin raised them to an act of rebellion and conflict.

This tension between "openness to the action of the Holy Spirit and resistance and opposition to him, to his saving gift" is part of the psychological and ethical reality of every human being. We can also see this same tension manifest itself at a wider, external level in a society. We see this in the prevalent materialism which "radically excludes the presence and action of God, who is spirit in the world and above all in man... It does not accept God's existence, being a system that is essentially and systematically atheist."

Materialism:

• is both a a theoretical system of thought and, in practical terms, a method of interpreting and evaluating facts, and of evaluating behavior.
• is the core of Marxism.
• sees reality as matter because matter is the only form of being.
• sees religion as an idealistic illusion (because it deals with more than matter)
• can be seen as a "systematic and logical development' of the opposition between the desires of the flesh and the desires of the spirit (as stated by St Paul)
• accepts death as the definitive end of human existence ( we see "signs of death": euthanasia, wars, abortion, etc)

But in the midst of these signs of death we Christians are certain that

 the Spirit blows where he wills and that we possess "the first fruits of the Spirit," and that therefore even though we may be subjected to the sufferings of time that passes away, "we groan inwardly as we wait for...the redemption of our bodies,"²⁴⁴ or of all our human essence, which is bodily and spiritual. Yes, we groan, but in an expectation filled with unflagging hope, because it is precisely this human being that God has drawn near to, God who is Spirit. God the Father, "sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh."²⁴⁵ At the culmination of the Paschal Mystery, the Son of God, made man and crucified for the sins of the world, appeared in the midst of his Apostles after the Resurrection, breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit." This "breath" continues forever, for "the Spirit helps us in our weakness."²⁴⁶

Notes on Dominum et Vivificantem (Part 2)

• At Pentecost the Holy Spirit is revealed in a new way. It is he who will continue the salvific work that has its roots in the cross.
• The Holy Spirit "convinces concerning sin" - he becomes the light of consciences, that is, he makes man realize his own evil, and direct him to what is good.
• In other words, conversion of the human heart is possible by the influence of the Holy Spirit because he leads to contrition, an indispensable condition for forgiveness.
• We might think of conscience just at that "inner voice" that helps us distinguish between good and evil. In reality, conscience is the voice of God.
• "Convincing concerning sin" under the influence of the Holy Spirit is accomplished through our conscience.
• An upright, well formed, conscience call good, good and evil, evil.
• The Holy Spirit searches the depth of the human soul revealing the "roots of sin are to be found in man's most inner being", in his inner imbalance, his contradictions, the contrary principles at work in him.
• This constant struggle in the inner world of man is a "laborious effort."
• This laborious effort marks the path to conversion, where the heart turns away from sin, feels remorse (sorrow for the evil committed), and through the action of the H.S. a person becomes open to forgiveness, to the remission of sin. Suffering has been transformed into salvific love.

Summer Learning Notes

Monday May 19th

• Read a chapter of Edmund Campion Hero of God's Underground.
• Read about the French Revolution on Trevor Cairns Monarchs and Revolutions.
• Finish the first week of Kitchen Chemistry on Futurelearn.com.
• Did an experiment on rising hot air (burning tea bags)
• Explored density with an experiment on how hot water rises (see picture)
• Watched episode 6 of When We Left the Earth, a documentary of U.S space missions.
• Nico continued reading The Hobbit

  

  Hot water rises

The Need for the Holy Spirit: Notes on Reading Dominum et Vivificantem (Part 1)

Pentecost

In John 16:7 Jesus said

"... it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I don't go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go away, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convince the world of sin and of righteousness and of judgement: of sin, because they do not believe me, of righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more, of judgement, because the ruler of this world is judged."

 Sin in this context means

• people did not believe Jesus
• they did not recognize him
• they rejected his mission and condemned him to death

Righteousness in this context means

• the justice restored to Jesus by the Father when he grants him the glory of his Resurrection and Ascension

Judgement in this context means

• the Spirit of Truth will show the guilt of the world in condemning Jesus to death

But, Jesus did not come to judge or condemn, but to save.

It is the Holy Spirit, sent by Jesus after his departure, that have the mission " to convince the world concerning sin." Jesus' words in the Gospel can be taken in a narrow sense- the context mentioned above- , what Jesus was intending to say to his disciples, in the upper room, at that particular point in time. It can be taken also in a broader sense, as to be applied to all humanity, for all time, because of the universal character of the Redemption won by Jesus.

The world in this context means (as expressed in Gaudium et Spes)

"... the world of men, the whole human family along with the sum of those realities in the midst of which it lives; that world which is the theater of man's history, and the heir of his energies, his tragedies and his triumphs; that world which the Christian sees as created and sustained by its Maker's love, fallen indeed into the bondage of sin, yet emancipated now by Christ, Who was crucified and rose again to break the strangle hold of personified evil, so that the world might be fashioned anew according to God's design and reach its fulfillment."

Christ prophecies of the coming of the Holy Spirit find its complete fulfillment on the day of Pentecost.

From the very beginning after Pentecost, it has been the mission of the Holy Spirit to "convince the world of sin." This convincing of sin  "  is linked inseparably with the witness to be borne to the Paschal Mystery: the mystery of the Crucified and Risen One. " ( DEV #31)

This convincing has as its purpose a call to conversion

Conversion requires convincing of sin; it includes the interior judgment of the conscience, and this, being a proof of the action of the Spirit of truth in man's inmost being, becomes at the same time a new beginning of the bestowal of grace and love: "Receive the Holy Spirit."¹¹⁸ Thus in this "convincing concerning sin" we discover a double gift: the gift of the truth of conscience and the gift of the certainty of redemption. The Spirit of truth is the Counselor.

This Spirit of Truth is the only one that can convince the world of the "ineffable truth" that, through his death, Jesus conquered death and brought us life. The Spirit searches not only the depth of man but the depth of God drawing "God's response to man's sin".

It is through the Holy Spirit that man can be "convinced" of the reality and depth of sin, but also it is through the Holy Spirit that we can be convinced of the reality and depth of the mystery of redemption.

Sin has its beginning in original sin, that first disobedience, man's will butting heads with God's will.


The Spirit of God is witness to the mutual love between the Father and the Son. The love from which creation came about. Furthermore, the Spirt is this love, it is " the eternal uncreated gift", the "source and the beginning of every giving of gifts."

To create means to call into existence from nothing: therefore, to create means to give existence. And if the visible world is created for man, therefore the world is given to man.¹³¹ And at the same time that same man in his own humanity receives as a gift a special "image and likeness" to God. This means not only rationality and freedom as constitutive properties of human nature, but also, from the very beginning, the capacity of having a personal relationship with God, as "I" and "you," and therefore the capacity of having a covenant, which will take place in God's salvific communication with man. Against the background of the "image and likeness" of God, "the gift of the Spirit" ultimately means a call to friendship, in which the transcendent "depths of God" become in some way opened to participation on the part of man. The Second Vatican Council teaches; "The invisible God out of the abundance of his love speaks to men as friends and lives among them, so that he may invite and take them into fellowship with himself.

In other words, the gift of the Holy Spirit is a call to friendship with God.

Man is in constant pressure to reject God

The analysis of sin in its original dimension indicates that, through the influence of the "father of lies," throughout the history of humanity there will be a constant pressure on man to reject God, even to the point of hating him: "Love of self to the point of contempt for God," as St. Augustine puts it.¹⁴³ Man will be inclined to see in God primarily a limitation of himself, and not the source of his own freedom and the fullness of good. We see this confirmed in the modern age, when the atheistic ideologies seek to root out religion on the grounds that religion causes the radical "alienation" of man, as if man were dispossessed of his own humanity when, accepting the idea of God, he attributes to God what belongs to man, and exclusively to man! Hence a process of thought and historico-sociological practice in which the rejection of God has reached the point of declaring his "death." An absurdity, both in concept and expression! But the ideology of the "death of God" is more a threat to man, as the Second Vatican Council indicates when it analyzes the question of the "independence of earthly affairs" and writes: "For without the Creator the creature would disappear...when God is forgotten the creature itself grows unintelligible."¹⁴⁴ The ideology of the "death of God" easily demonstrates in its effects that on the "theoretical and practical" levels it is the ideology of the "death of man."

Escritores Católicos o Católicos que Escriben

 En los círculos católicos en que me desenvuelvo, Tolkien es famoso.También lo es Chesterton, Graham Greene, Evelyn Waugh, Flannery O'Connor, Walker Percy, Michael O'brien y otros que no me vienen a la mente. Un día se me ocurrió buscar si había algún escritor, vivo o muerto, que escribiera en español y que se pudiera comparar con estos famosos escritores ya citados.
Buscando en el internet, me crucé con estos nombres:


Juan Manuel de Prada
Jesus Sanchez Adalid
Pablo D'Ors

Pero más interesante aún me encontré con este post De Etiqueta . En el post, pero sobre todo en la vivaz discusión en los comentarios comentan en la necesidad de la etiqueta escritor católico. Hay quienes opinan que una etiqueta es innecesaria y hasta indeseable. Pero la idea que me dio que pensar es que los grandes escritores Católicos (vamos a dejar la etiqueta intacta por el momento) han surgido en países o culturas donde el Catolicismo es minoria, donde la lucha por mantener la fe, por ir contra corriente ha sido una lucha ardua. Inglaterra, por ejemplo. En España, donde todos son católicos ( o eran porque hay quien dice que España no es ya católica), la etiqueta no tiene sentido. Entonces alguien dijo que hay que hacer una distinción entre un católico que escribe y un escritor católico.

Claro que la(s) pregunta(s) de rigor es, ¿qué define a un escritor católico? ¿son sus temas? ¿su cosmovisión? ¿el hecho de que sus personajes recen el rosario? ¿la forma de ver la vida? ¿la forma de ver el arte?

Y aún una pregunta más seria, si el mundo en que vivimos hoy en día no es católico, ni siquiera cristiano, ¿veremos un resurgimiento de autores católicos? ¿tendrán aquellos autores modernos  que la posean el coraje de llevar su fe a corazón abierto?

Leyendo en Español: La Colmena por Camilo José Cela

Quisiera yo saber escribir! Leer, se. Escribir se me hace más díficil. Cuando busco describir lo que leo, a veces me  hacen falta las palabras. Este año quiero aprender a escribir más y a leer más y mejor. Siempre he sido ávida lectora pero, ahora siento que quiero que lo que leo, cuente. No quiero leer por leer sino para aprender.
Es por eso que he decidido que este año voy  a leer más en español. Claro que esta meta tiene mucho que ver con cierta compra que hice en octubre. Cada octubre una de las universidades locales tiene un venta de libros usados. Un verdadero paraíso para el lector. Paraíso? tentación es más preciso. Bueno, el caso es que en la mesa dedicada a lenguas extranjeras, en vez de los consabidos libros de texto, oh dicha!, había cerca de dos docenas de clásicos de la literatura española. Mi corazón se sentía un poco desbocado. ¿Qué podía yo hacer? ¿pasar la oportunidad? ¿dejar que esos libros terminen en una caja de reciclaje? NO! Así que en ese día de octubre (o era septiembre?), llegué a casa como la orgullosa poseedora de casi dos docenas de libros.
Pero como la emoción de la adquisición pasa rápido, no fue hasta hace una semana que decidí que este año, mis lecturas van a alternar entre lecturas en inglés y lecturas en español. Con eso en mente, comencé a leer mi primera selección: La Colmena, escrita por Camilo José Cela.
No se bien que me hizo escogerlo como mi primera selección de este mi año de español. Quizás fue que mi apellido de soltera es el primer nombre del autor; o quizás porque era el único libro que me sonaba de los que adquirí. Fuera cual fuera el motivo, La Colmena fue mi elección.
Cuando comencé a leer no estaba segura que me iba a gustar. La Colmena es un libro diferente. Mi primera impresión fue que, en vez de leer una novela, estaba viendo una película o documental, donde el director había decidido mover la cámara de manera rápida y sucesiva por una calle llena de gente. No hay tiempo para detenerse en ninguna de las personas que pasan por la calle, sino que sólo tenemos una sucesión de impresiones, observaciones. La novela no tiene trama o personaje principal. No tiene climax o descenlace. Sólo la sensación de que seguimos a un observador que se mueve rápidamente por una ciudad llena de gente, recogiendo impresiones o quizas tomando una muestra. Y la muestra es desesperanzadora. La gente parece desilusionada, triste. No hay dinero pero si hambre. No hay alegría sino tristeza, desesperación.
A pesar de lo dismal de la novela, no puede uno sino darse cuenta que está escrita de manera magistral. La Colmena tiene lugar durante el trascurso de tres días. Tres días en la vida de Madrid. Esta novela está llena de personajes (cerca de 300 leí por ahí). Los personajes, al principio, parecen desconectados pero, poco a poco, nos damos cuenta que hay diferente relaciones entre ellos. Me llenó de admiración como Cela pudo mantener, no, hilar, estas complejas relaciones de una manera estelar.
El año es 1942. Inmediatamente después de la guerra civil española y en medio de la segunda guerra mundial. Definitivamente un tiempo en la historia donde la alegría no abunda. Los personajes se mueven a traves de las horas de una manera triste, lenta, a veces como cerrados a la emoción.
Gracias a Dios la novela termina con un rayo de esperanza:

"La mañana, esa mañana eternamente repetida, juega un poco, sin embargo, a cambiar la faz de la ciudad..."

Estoy segura que hay más profundidad en esta novela. De hecho, me fascinaría tenerla como selección para un club de lecturar. Definitivamente habría mucho que discutir. Mientras tanto como no soy crítica literaria, después de acabar la lectura me lancé al internet a buscar una buena guia de estudio o una buena crítica. Esto es lo que encontré:

Camilo José Cela biografía

Una buena guía de estudio 

 Una buena reseña en Goodreads

Algo más científico 

Lessons for the New Year or What St. Paul is Teaching Me

It seems that naturally, this time of the year, my gaze turns inwards as I reflect over the last year and make plans for the next. The problem with me is that my gaze falls first on the things I didn't do:

• the resolutions I didn't keep (I was going to be organized!)
• the exercise plan(s) that were abandoned (The 30 days shred that never got to 30 days)
• the health habits that never lasted more than a few weeks (kefir, chia seeds anyone?)
• the books that weren't read ( I was going to read more Spanish this year, right?)
• the relationships that weren't built (where are those dates with M?)
• the intellectual goals that weren't achieved (Oh Chesterton! this year we will meet!)
• the housekeeping plans that were simply forgotten (Motivated Moms? Flylady?)

Reading St Paul's letter to the Philippians the other night, it occurred to me that I am seeing it all wrong. St Paul tells the Philippians that even death is gain to him because it will be the ultimate way of being close to Jesus (paraphrasing here, in case you were wondering how come you don't recognize St. Paul's words). Death as a gain! I am so not there! But, if you can turn around death, the ultimate fear, around and see it as gain, then maybe everything depends on perspective.

Christians definitely look at the world differently.

The thing is that even goals not achieved, and resolutions not kept can be good things, if a lesson was learned, if I use it as a stepping stone. Furthermore, it is not the goals that are important or the resolutions,

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the Gospel of Christ...that you stand firm in one spirit,with one mind striving side by side for the Faith of the Gospel, and not be frightened in anything by your opponents... for it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ, you should not only believe in him, but suffer for his sake. (Phil. 1:27-28a, 29)

 I don't like to suffer, I don't like when life is hard. I consider a good year the one with more occasions for joy than for sorrow. But, is it always true? I tend to want to run from painful situations, to avoid pain at all costs, to fast-forward through difficult moments to get to the good ones. Again, it is a matter of perspective. Isn't the life of a Christian to live in Christ, as Christ? Isn't it true that the moments when I am closer to God are the difficult ones, the ones that hurt, the ones where every fiber of my being wants to scream: STOP, let me off!? Isn't in those difficult moments I run to the One that can help? I don't know if I can say that, whatever happens to me that can be labeled as suffering, is for the sake of Christ but, if I can see the hard moments as a stepping stone to something better, as tool for growth, then I have a powerful weapon against my greatest enemy: fear!

Fear can't have a hold of me if I stand firm on the believe that all situations: good or bad, sad or joyful, can lead me closer to God and the life he intends for me.

St. Paul also makes another point-maybe more relevant to new year's beginnings:

"I press on... forgetting  what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead"

As I read this, I thought of St. Paul's life. He had persecuted Christians. Who knows what harm he caused them! He could've lived his life with a paralyzing grief, full of remorse and regrets; but, he trusted in the redemption he had received, the forgiveness that was his, and pressed on, his eyes fixed on the goal and not on the mistakes.  Another lesson from St. Paul: dwelling on what we didn't accomplish or what we didn't do or in what we did wrong is not good. Of course, we take stock. How can we press on if we don't look at where we are coming from? But there are different ways of looking back: I can look back just as an exercise to help me figure out where am I going or, I can look back and dwell on the negative. The latter is worthless!

St.Paul continues,

"I press on toward the goal... let those of us who are mature be thus minded, and if anything you are otherwise minded, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true what we have attained." (Phil 3)

It is, then, a sign of maturity to let go of regrets, remorse, errors. And hold on to what we have attained. Again, a matter of perspective: in looking back, focus on what have been gained. There is always something we have attained, even if only experience.

And then St. Paul offers a perspective that I want to embrace for this coming year:

"Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about that"

This year I want to look at life this way, focusing on what is honorable, lovely, just, true. Not in a pollyanish way but, in a conscious way: choosing to see the lovely not the ugly, the true not the lie, the excellent not the mediocre, and especially that which deserves praise rather than what deserves criticism.

As if this wasn't enough, this reading of St. Paul's letter to the Philippians, gave me another guideline for this year: to learn to be content.

"I have learned, in whatever state I am to be content. I know how to be abased and I know how to abound; in any and all circumstances, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and want. I can do all things in him who strengthens me."

 In summary, St. Paul is teaching me to:

• focus on the manner I live my life
• be not afraid!
• look at the past just as a guideline, not dwelling on what I haven't accomplish
• press on, strain forward
• think of what is good, honorable...
• praise don't criticize
• learn to be content

St Paul, pray for me!

Advent: Radically Reorienting Life. A beginning.

The priest started with a definition of conversion: A radical reorientation of our whole life... I didn't hear anything else for a while. Those words: radical reorientation of our whole life, made their imprint in my brain and send the wheels turning. Maybe that is what I need: a radical change, a turn around.
The image came to my mind, slowly taking form:  there I was at what seem the end of a road, a wrong road. What person that realizes she is walking along the wrong road doesn't turn around and start anew? Who would continue down the road that she knows is not getting her where she wants to go? Only an idiot!

The priest's voice crept into my thoughts again. He was talking about the reading from Isaiah:

A voice cries out:
In the desert prepare the way of the LORD!
Make straight in the wasteland a highway for our God!
Every valley shall be filled in,
every mountain and hill shall be made low;
the rugged land shall be made a plain,
the rough country, a broad valley.

Prepare the way of the lord, make the road wider, smooth the rough spots, remove the the obstacles. Advent calls us to repentance, to change,  to being again. The calendar year is drawing to a close but, the Church year has already begun. It starts with Advent's call to conversion, to radically reorient our lives. The Church in her wisdom knows that after the weeks of Ordinary Time we are ready for some change. The spiritual inroads of Lent and Easter have grown stale. Our old demons are back and our soul feels fatigued and disillusioned. We are struggling again. But the Church reminds us, reminds me:

Here is your God!
Here comes with power
the Lord GOD...

 I need a change. I want a change. And this is a good time to start. For me, this message of change and conversion issued during Advent, is often lost in the fray of Christmas shopping. I don't hear the voice of John the Baptist inviting me to repent. I don't hear the invitation to conversion. All I hear is the voices in my brain reminding me that the house needs to be decorated, that the cookies need to be baked and the presents bought. A thousand and one voices, getting louder and louder, and crowding out the voice I need to be hearing.

I am glad for the time of quiet at mass when the words of the priest worked themselves through the funk, and made me hear and think. It is time for me to clean house, to de-clutter my brain, to focus on what is important. It seems that Advent should be the time of new resolutions.

It seems that I am setting myself up for failure. How can I de-clutter my brain at a time like this. Haven't you heard that there is a Christmas show to put on? Radical reorientation... Radical means from the root. And anything with the word radical in it can't be easy.

No matter. Just in case, I'll start small.

Today, on this Second Sunday in Advent, and because it is never too late, I want to make a new resolution: for the next couple of weeks, it doesn't matter how busy my schedule, how long my to do list, I am going to carve out a pocket of time to be with the Lord. The renewal of relationships begins with time spent together in conversation.

One of my favorite prayers from the Morning Prayer of the Liturgy of the Hours is this portion of the Canticle of Zechariah taken from the Gospel of Luke:

“In the tender compassion of our God, the dawn from on high shall break upon us, to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death, and to guide our feet into the way of peace"

This Christmas I want to experience the dawn from on high. And I don't want to miss it because my eyes are  looking somewhere else.

Llámenme Ignorante

Llámenme ignorante, pero yo pensaba que los taínos estaban extintos. Nunca se me había ocurrido pensar en el hecho de que están vivos en muchas de nuestras tradiciones (al menos en el campo) y sobre todo en nuestra lengua.
OK, yo sé que hay ciertas palabras taínas que sobreviven en nuestra lengua y que usamos con frequencia: Quisqueya, hamaca, barbacoa, etc. Sé también que el casabe es de origen taíno pero leyendo este artículo, escrito por el Doctor Pedro J. Ferbel he aprendido de la sobrevivencia de la cultura taína.
Claro que, como bien dice el artículo, aún cuando hay una al parecer indiscutible influencia taína en la vida dominicana; el dominicano no se identifica con el taíno. Y como va a hacerlo si siempre se nos ha dicho que los taínos están extintos.
Sería interesante hacer un estudio, o leerlo se ya alguien lo ha hecho, de la identidad del dominicano. Yes que a mi me parece que el dominicano tiene un problema de identidad. Lo cual no me sorprende porque con la sopa biológica que somos cómo saber quién somos.

Habit #2: Maintain Key Friendships-from The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers by Dr. Meg Meeker.

Happy mothers know their value and happy mothers maintain key friendships. They know that loneliness is an enemy to be fought. They know they need other women and they don't apologize for it.

At a certain level we all know that friendships are important but, as Dr. Meeker says,

"The truth is, when something needs to be cut out in the crunch of daily demands, friends are the first to go. Sometimes friendship seems expendable, unnecessary. "

Some of us might think that our needs are being met by our family and husbands,

"this is extremely important, but they don't fully satisfy our relational needs because the others in the relationship are too dissimilar from us. Husbands can't be everything to us and certainly children can't be."

I am sure my dh is grateful that I have a group of women I meet regularly with! It is not that I keep him out of parts of my life. Far from it. It is that there are things proper to being a woman that he can't relate to. And I shouldn't expect him to. It goes without saying that my relationship to him is primary but he is not expected to be my all in all. I think he is relieved.

Loneliness can be a great enemy. It is in loneliness that our problems magnify: our thoughts get darker,our sorrows get deeper, our sadness consumes us, our joys go unshared and unseen. Loneliness is crushing. It is in loneliness when we start asking, "What is wrong with me?"

" A mother who feels lonely believes on some level that she is unlikable, even unlovable."

Dr Meek reminds us that "friends are a necessity, not a luxury." I truly believe this. We are not meant to be alone. I am not meant to be alone. I read once in book about social development for children that kids don't need tons of friends. Just one friend can carry a child through the developmental years. Just one friend can make a difference between a normal childhood and miserable one. I think the same is true of us.

*For more discussion on The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers see Elizabeth Foss' blog . She is the one that got me interested in reading the book and she is doing a great job at discussing it every Thursday.*

It WAS Hard to see her go

I thought it wouldn't be hard this time. I did it last May. I did it all. All of it, the crying, the sadness, the emptiness. The things left behind spoke of her absence. Loud. It was hard then but,I knew she will be back at the end of July. Now I don't know when the house will be filled with her joy, her presence.

It was hard to see her go.

It doesn't matter how much I tell myself:

-you will text (btw, I retract everything I said about texting)

-you will Skype (oh the blessedness of technology!)

-she will visit for holidays (would her work schedule permit her?)

-all mothers go through this (well, I am not all mothers)

-your mother went through that (yeah, but I was 25, not 18)

-it is the American way (well, I am not American)

It doesn't matter, it was still hard to see her go.

Part of me felt as it was not going to happen. When she got back, she fell right into our routine. She filled her space and our lives like always. It felt as if she had not gone at all. Maybe I dreamt it? My whole Dominican self hoped, maybe it is a dream.

But it wasn't a dream... This morning it was time to go. My whole Dominican self cried (inside) not yet! it is too soon! she is too young! this is not supposed to happen until you get married! But it did. This morning. In her new car.

With her dad.

It doesn't matter how much I tell myself

- she is with people we love and trust.

- she is doing what she feels/discerned the Lord is calling her too.

Both these things are a great comfort but, it was still hard to see her go.

All our parenting career points to this moment. This is what we have prepared her for. Her quiver is full, or is it? We did our part, or did we? Nagging thoughts fill my mind: did we prepare her well?

Here again is a lesson in trust.Trust that we did our best, that we did it adequately, that we taught her the skills to supply what we did not teach; and most of all, that the Lord will supply what we might have lacked.

It was hard to see her go but, she was ready. She has been a caterpillar for a while and now she is ready to be a butterfly: beautiful, graceful, and free. She takes with her part of us, part of me.

Now, I look at my two boys left at home and I hug them a little tighter, look into their eyes a little more frequently, pay attention a little closer, savor the moments more earnestly. Some time, sooner that my mother's heart is ready for, it would be time to see them go. And it will be hard.

Any Homeschooling books lying around?

Need to make room for more books?

Have some homeschooling books you can't sell?

Like to read but don't want to spend a lot of money buying books?

Consider swapping your books at Paperback Swap!

I had a bunch of books that I had try to sell on some homeschooling loops or boards with no luck. I decided, instead of donated them to a bazaar or Goodwill, to swap theml. At least I get some other books out of the deal! Today I mailed 20 books. Most of them were homeschooling book but there were some fiction books too. I get one credit for every book mailed. I can then use those credits to request other books.

If you decide to do this here is a tip:

Don't do like a I did a post too many at a time! I have spent the whole morning wrapping books to mail.

Acting as if I love God

In Mere Christianity C.S. Lewis says, " Do not waste time bothering wether you 'love' your neighbor, act as if you do." As soon as I read this line it reminded me of my relationship with God.

Do I love God? Does He love me? those questions have come to me time and time again. To reason God's love for me is not difficult. I can see it in creation. I can see it in the sacrifice of his Son. I can see it in the many details that form my daily life. But, do I love him? Do I return his love? I think my problem is, as Lewis puts it, I "cannot find such a feeling" in myself. I do not have strong feelings of love of God.

C.S Lewis says the answer is to "act as if you did." And I think,without thinking about it, that is what I have done. My choices, my preferences and priorities speak of love. It is not that I have always made perfect choices, or that my priorities are always in order, or that I always prefer that which is good. No, far from it. But, I try. And that counts. And God knows that I try. And that counts too.

Today, C.S Lewis reminds me that,

Christian love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will. If we are trying to do His will we are obeying the commandment, 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.' He will give us feeling of love if He pleases. We cannot create them for ourselves, and we must not demand them as a right.But the great thing to remember is that, though my feelings come and go, His love for us does not.

St John Vianney, whose feast day we celebrate today, has a good advice, " your hearts are small, but prayer stretches them and makes them capable of loving God."

I intend to follow it.

The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers-Habit #1 Understand your Value as a Mother

I have heard that society doesn't value mothers.

I have heard that women don't value motherhood.

I have heard that people look down on stay at home moms.

Yet, I don't know where the accusers are. All my mothering life has been surrounded by women who either stayed at home, longed to stay home, or who had stayed home. Maybe I have lived under a rock. I don't know.

All I can say is that my battles have all been fought with myself and within myself. It is not other people who have laid obstacles in my path. It is I, who has had trouble with being just a mom. Just a mom wasn't part of my experience growing up. My mother is an excellent mother and she always had a career. Always busy, she owned her own pharmacy and taught Chemistry at the university.

I don't remember feeling neglected.

I don't remember feeling she was absent.

I don't remember seeing her torn between two worlds.

I don't remember angst on her part.

I think I knew she was a mother with a career.

And I knew that we came first.

What is different for me? For one thing, she wasn't expected to do it all. She didn't do it all. She had maids to do the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the gardening, and, the minding of children. When she was home, she was home. She managed to be present even when she was absent. She was always reachable. She was always mom.

I have never talked to her about this. I don't know why she worked. I know that making ends meet in the Dominican Republic is difficult with only one salary. But it never occurred to me to ask her if she worked because she needed it, because it fulfilled her, because it was what was expected of her. I don't even now if she posed those questions to herself. I don't even know if she valued herself as a mother. I don't know if it is a question that she would've asked. Someday soon I am going to ask her.

It never crossed my mind that I will stay at home. Enter the United States and the daycare world and, I had to ask myself some hard questions, the main of which was, Did I want my children to be raised by others? The answer was NO. I wasn't pressured into this decision. It was made in freedom. My husband, who wanted me to stay home- I know- would have accepted my decision, had I wanted to work. So, I can't say that my doubts have come from a forced decision.

And yet, there have been doubts. Nobody has looked scornfully at me and, asked "Don't you know that these days women do not stay home?" "Have you heard? we are in the 21st century." It is I who have asked those questions. It is I, who have wondered, "Would I make it in the real world?" "Do I have anything to offer?" "Am I good at anything?". It is I, who have watched successful women and wondered, "what does it feel like to be be good at something and know it, and know that the world knows that I am good?"

In her book 10 Habits of Happy Mothers, Dr Meg Meeker reminds me of my value as a mother.

"If we could wrap our mind around our true value as a woman and a mother, our life will never be the same."

Our value doesn't come measured in salaries or talents or gifts. Our value comes from something simpler: we are needed and loved. We can do for our children what nobody can. I can love, nurture, comfort, feed, guide, train, my children like nobody can. I matter to them. I matter because I am me, their mother. There is a unique bond between us just by the simple fact that I am their mother. All I do extra, builds and strengthen that bond. I don't have to woo my children to love me. I don't have to perform to earn their love.

It is so simple and I make it so complicated.

I don't struggle with my decision anymore. I don't question it. I wouldn't have it any other way. I still wonder, though, if I have anything to offer to the world at large. Is there a place for me beyond the boundaries of my family? Is there something I can contribute? Dr Meeker reminds me that,

"In addition to fulfilling our purpose as good moms, we were born to do more, in time"

What I have to regain is not my self. I think that throughout my career as a mother I have kept a healthy sense of self. I don't feel guilty having a life separate from my kids. Never have. What I have to regain is my trust in the Lord. Trust that, in time, I will discover what lies ahead. I will discover what He wants me to do next. Trust that life is not over at 50. Trust and put to the wondering to rest. Concentrate in living my life now.

I think it is about attitude. Dr Meeker says, "love the life you are supposed to be living and you happen on fulfilling the deep meaning of your life. It works. The energy comes, you get bolder, and you live less fearfully."

The deep meaning of my life is not a hidden treasure in the future, it is the here and now.

Summer Reading Notes

What I have been reading of late:

• Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh: Laugh aloud funny satire of British society of the 1920s. I had only read Brideshead Revisited by Waugh. A very different book. I was glad to be introduced to this side of Waugh. It made me want to read more by him.
• Memento Mori by Muriel Spark : I think I saw this book mentioned on Melissa Wiley's blog . Muriel Spark was a convert to Catholicism. I had seen her pop up several times in other blogs about Catholic writers. I wanted to read something by her. After finishing Memento Mori, I realized I had read another book by her,The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, which I didn't like at all. Mercifully, I didn't remember, because maybe it would've kept me from reading MM. In one of those serendipitous reading acts, MM was a great follow up to Vile Bodies. Both were British, both were satirical, both were funny, both had a depth behind the comical.
• Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis: I have to confess I am not a big fan of Lewis. I know that is probably heretical to most but, it is the truth. Thankfully, Mere Christianity is different. I have been meeting weekly with some ladies to discuss this book. There is so much to talk about! I am not finished with this yet and I wish I had started blogging about it. It would make it stick better.
• Crooked Adam by D.E. Stevenson: Satisfying, is the word for this read. A good old fashioned spy story, Crooked Adam (if I remember correctly) was published during WWII. It is fast paced and keeps your interested. A great summer reading! (Recommended by A Library is a Hospital for the Mind ).
• Mansfield Park by Jane Austen: I listened to this from Librivox. Books on this site are read by volunteers, not professionals, so the quality of the reader varies. That was certainly true of the reader of MP, some where very good and some, not so much. But, hey! it is free. I am not complaining. I enjoyed MP immensely. It was a great companion while cooking, cleaning or folding clothes. (note: the 1999 is awful. Nothing like the book!)
• Before Pentecost, I picked up John Paul II encyclical on the Holy Spirit (Dominum et Vivificantem). It is a challenging reading but so worthwhile. I am three quarters into it and planning on re-reading so I can write about. It would be a great way of digesting the information.
• No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy: Violent, violent! It was like watching a Clint Eastwood movie. The first 100 pages I wasn't sure I was going to finish it but, it kept me going. This is one of those books that you need to have somebody to talk about it with. So, I gave it to M. to read.
• Simply from Scratch by Alicia Bessette: Just OK. Nothing great. It is her first novel and somehow it felt too formulaic, to cliché, kind of like a chick flick between too covers.It wasn't bad but it is forgettable.
• Son of Charlemagne by Barbara Willard (with the kids): we are not completely finished with this one. Good story and it has created some rabbit trails. It had us searching all over the net about Charlemagne and his family. It also led us into a search for information on the Saxons and this, in turn, took us to the Vikings.
• Yesterday, I began Vanishing Act by Jodi Picault. Not much to report on this one yet. But it promises to be intense as any other Jodi Picault book I have read before.
• After Mansfield Park, I decided to give the Itunes U a try. I have been listening to some lectures on European Civilization from the 17oos to 1945. It is an interesting course. The lecturer, John Merriman, manages to pull some interesting lectures, even though he has this annoying stammering habit, and he curses and, he has a somewhat dislike of the Catholic Church. Even with all those strikes against him, I am still enjoying the class.

Emilia Pardo Bazan

De vez en cuando pasa que el autor de una obra me fascina casi tanto como su obra. Este es el caso con Emilia Pardo Bazan la autora de Los Pazos de Ulloa. Indagando un poco acerca de ella me encuentro con una señora interesante. Una mujer con inteligencia y agallas,una mujer que supo superar las limitaciones impuestas a su sexo. Siempre he admirado a los autodidactas. Quizas es el "homeschooler" en mi pero, me gusta conocer la vida de aquellos que han tomado su educación en sus propias manos, aquellos que de manera metódica se lanzan a explorar los diversos campos del saber. La Condesa Pardo Bazan tenia una amplia gama de intereses. Todo le llamaba la atención: la ciencia, la politica, la filosofía, e incluso la cocina.

Buscando en el internet encontré varias cosas interesantes:

-En la Biblioteca Visual Cervantes encontré un documental acerca de su vida.

Luego de ver el documental se me ocurrió pensar ¿qué fue de los hijos de la condesa? Encontré este articulo que detalla el patrimonio de Emilia Pardo Bazan .Claro el artículo no responde mi verdadera pregunta ¿fue ella una buena madre? ¿prestó atención a sus hijos?

Aqui dejo un artículo que enfoca su feminismo.

Y aquí hay una biografía en Google Books,La Luz en la Batalla por Eva Acosta

Los Pazos de Ulloa por Emilia Pardo Bazán

Impresiones


Los Pazos de Ulloa se trata de un sacerdote joven, acabado de salir del seminario, que ha sido asignado como capellán a los Pazos de Ulloa. Una casa noble que ha visto mejores años, donde la decadencia se nota por todas partes: en la casa, en la capilla y sobre todo en la gente. La gente embrutecida, empobrecida, sin religión aún cuando la religión los rodea. Julian, el capellán, se enfrenta con una serie de personajes que se enfrentan en una lucha entre el bien y el mal, la santidad y el pecado; y donde muchas veces es dificil saber quien ha ganado.

Esta novela española del Siglo XIX me recuerda, en cierto modo, a novelas como Cumbres Borrascosas o Rebeca: Novelas donde hay una presencia maligna que prevalece durante toda la novela. Esta presencia lleva la novela. Te mantiene en vilo, esperando el suceso que parece va a suceder a cada vuelta de página. Hay una continua sensación de tragedia inminente. Senti que la novela me envolvía a pesar de las a veces tediosas descripciones llenas de palabras a mi parecer rebuscadas. Leia y leia con esa sensacieon de que algo trágico iba a pasar. Pero, al volver la última página, me quedé con la sensación de no conocer los personajes. El único personajes que llegas a conocer es Julián y a veces la verdad que quería retocerle el pescuezo. El no es mi idea del sacerdote -demasiado rezo y no suficiente pantalones. No que rezar es malo-claro que no- pero mi mentalidad del Siglo XXI se rebela a la devoción casi ciega de este sacerdote. Y lo que es más, al final te preguntas, ¿de qué sirvió tanto rezo? ¿querâ decir la autora que rezar no sirve de nada?

El libro me dejo con muchas preguntas: ¿Qué nos quiere decir Pardo Bazán? ¿Cuål es su visión de la naturaleza humana? ¿de la iglesia? ¿del sacerdote? Me perece que algo de lo que dice es una denuncia de la vida sin educación, del daño y el embrutecimiento que produce. Para mi este es uno de esos libros que implora tener alguien con quien comentarlos.